Disturbing News

Hi all,
Well, I went to the doctor for my yearly girly exam, not expecting very much because I've done them faithfully like a good girl, but it turns out I received some disturbing news... the doctor felt a lump in one of my breasts. So now on top of everything else I have going on in my life (raising teenagers on my own, working a fulltime job, promoting the 3 books I have published in my series and trying to start the 4th), I now have to make some room on my ever-shrinking plate for this and everything it entails...

The first thing I thought of is my kids and that I don't want them to have to finish growing up without a mother (they're 18 1/2, almost 17 and 14 1/2), especially since they've been with me almost their entire lives (their father is in the Navy and was never really around much because of his job, and now that we're divorced, it's much less).

I know the discovery of a lump doesn't mean that I have breast cancer, but of course when you find out something like this, the first thing most people do is think the worst, and I'm no exception. When the news really sank in, my thoughts began to spin wildly and probably irrationally.. I'm afraid of what this whole thing might mean, and that i might have to leave my kids before I'm ready (but then again, are we ever ready?). I've only been writing for a few years, and I love knowing that children are really enjoying my series and are waiting anxiously for the next book to come out. I have dreams that I want to live still, but I'm afraid that now they will just slip away...

I want to take my kids on a trip to Hawaii (which probably won't be until they're adults, but that's ok because they'll remember it better).. to show them where they were born, and the island (Oahu) that we lived on for 10 years before we moved to Connecticut...
I've never been on a cruise, and desperately want to go on that cruise to Alaska I've been talking about going on to see the beautiful scenery and finally get up close and almost personal with grizzly bears (my favorite animal)...

And I want to finish my series, to finish what I've started, and if this goes as well as I'm thinking it will, I have more books that I want to write! I want more than anything to continue making a difference in kid's lives...

And I'm terrified of not knowing what to expect and what this could mean ...
First I have to go get a mammogram and an ultrasound, which will tell us if there needs to be surgery and other steps to the process that I don't even want to think about yet ... but for now my mind and my heart are overwhelmed with it all...

I don't have breast cancer in my family and I DO NOT want to be the one to start the trend ...

An important thing I learned today is this... All it takes is a simple second of your life to help you to realize how truly mortal you are...

Enjoy every day, don't take anything for granted, and make sure you tell those special people in your lives how very much you love and cherish them EVERY day!

I'll update you as I find out more information about where this fork in my path of life is taking me...

Scared but willing to fight hugs, MJ